Yikes, this is painful. BUT. I once trained as a volunteer on a crisis phone line where we learned a lot about the clues that someone might be thinking of suicide. And in reading your story, it truly did not occur to me that Sam might be preparing to kill himself. When I learned that a friend I was once close with but hadn't seen or communicated with in years had killed himself, I immediately felt I had failed him. But that's why suicide is so devastating — and the truth is, we're helpless when someone makes that decision and follows through on it.