Dear GOBOF,

I echo the other comments here about having compassion for yourself — and I'm so sorry for your loss, and for its seemingly brutal timing.

I am never one to advocate for self-denial, and the authentic, wholehearted savoring of good food and drink is life-affirming.

But in your question I see the impulse to punish yourself by turning what gives you joy into poison — because too much of anything, as we all know, becomes toxic. I know it's incredibly sad that you missed your last talk with your dad, but please repeat this to yourself as many times as you need to hear it: his death had nothing to do with you eating ice cream.

And having lost a number of loved ones (including both parents), I can tell you that there is always a temptation to think we could somehow have blunted, avoided, or even magically reversed the loss if only we'd done something different. That's the denial part of the grieving process. You'll get to acceptance, I promise — but you will have to forgive yourself for not doing the impossible.

Treat yourself gently and very well at this tender time. Enjoy what you can. But don't make yourself sick; that doesn't honor your father's memory.